Is your Life not Going the way you Planned?
What happens when life gives you a direction and you get sidetracked? Do you roll with the punches or fight the tide? In earlier years of life, we do what we are directed to. We woke up, ate breakfast, went to school, came home, maybe did homework, played, had dinner, got ready for bed, and did it all over again five days a week. I was too young for work so this only applied to school time. Some days were a struggle and some good.
As adults, we direct our own lives, not our parents. I struggle with good and bad days. A friend always tells me that “adulting is hard”. She even has a coffee mug with the motto. I completely agree. However, being an adult can give you reasons to act like a child and I sometimes do just that. I dance, sing, make funny faces to the camera and tell stupid jokes.
Adulting?
Adulting is accepting your expectations that have been met, understanding the disappointments, and still continuing to learn EVERYTHING. You don’t have to think that life is going wrong. Choices made in our younger years rerouted the road we traveled. It doesn’t mean it’s the wrong road, just different.
Learning is a never-ending battle. Continuing your education beyond your school years is vital to your continued well-being and part of being an adult. Just because you have become a parent doesn’t mean that you’re ready to take on the responsibilities of an adult. If your parents are still around, there are still lessons to be learned. If your parents are not around, you can obtain information from someone you admire; a mentor.
What type are you?
There are many tests that you are able to take online (and for free). One online quiz about “tendencies” took about five minutes to complete. According to Gretchen Rubin, there are four of them. Depending on how you respond will categorize you like a Harry Potter sorting hat. There are two expectations we all face:
- Outer Expectations – meeting work deadlines or observing rules like traffic lights
- Inner Expectations – keeping a New Year’s resolution
The four tendencies are Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, and Rebel. The Upholder meets outer and inner expectations. The Questioner does what? Questions everything and does what they think is best. The Rebel does what they want (surprise). As I said a minute ago, I am the Obliger which means I meet others’ expectations but struggle to fight my own. This makes so much sense for me because I can’t count the number of times I have broken a New Year’s Resolution, not gone to the gym, or gone for a relaxing massage.
Expectations & Procrastination
The Obliger needs accountability which is why I procrastinate about my own stuff and take care of family first. As a mom isn’t that what we are supposed to do? Consequently, we expect more out of others than we do of ourselves.
One of the central ideas of this blog is procrastination. If you fall into the same category then you can understand why you procrastinate. Changing the procrastination habit of an “obliger” means that you need to find a need to be accountable. I understand that I CAN NOT belittle myself for not getting my self-appointed tasks completed. Nor can I let anyone else do that to me and my self-esteem either. I can’t let anyone else do that to me. My self-esteem
Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.
Brené Brown
How versus Why
Why am I categorized as an “obliger”? I am a mom! What I now ask myself is a different question; “How do I change?” I watched a Mindvalley talk recently where Patrick Grove discussed with founder Vishen Lakhiani his technique for journaling.
Instead of asking, “Why can’t I get want I want to be accomplished?” he asked, “How can I get what I want?” That simple phrase can change your mindset to positive action-oriented instead of “oh, poor me.”
Staying the Path
How to adult is the question we should be asking ourselves. How do we deal with the daily routine of our lives? How do we navigate the path with obstacles in our way without being sidetracked? Remember, change is inevitable. It is how we learn to accept ourselves, and our expectations, stay present and understand that we don’t have complete control of our lives.
If you want to take the quiz about expectations:
Gretchen Rubin, The Four Tendencies https://quiz.gretchenrubin.com/
Watch the conversation between Mindvalley founder Vishen Lakhiani and entrepreneur Patrick Grove
Sometimes we just need a village to help us stay on our path. Find your village and you may find that your path is better when others walk with you.
