Hearts are everywhere because February is all about Valentine’s Day. Cards declaring undying love, boxes of cards for children’s school celebrations, balloons, chocolates, pizza, stuffed animals, and even underwear. But, if you have a broken heart, how do you mend it?
Heartache is also everywhere. The heart is the strongest muscle in our body. It keeps time, keeps us moving, feels our joy and sorrow. It is the center of the “village” of our body. Without it working properly, we perish. Some of us leave the earth and some of us heal and stay. Either way, there is a choice in how we take care of our hearts and the hearts of our village.
Broken
There are many ways to cure a broken heart. However, it is about learning to love yourself. To do that we need to learn that we are worthy of our own lives. I know that’s easier said than done. But, let’s look at some different ways to do just that.
- Don’t Suppress the Pain – Suppressing the pain only makes it worse and extends the time to feel better. This doesn’t mean that you keep feeling the hurt over and over again. It means that you embrace what happened and find a way to learn from it. It’s a process of grieving. We are hurt and fear what we have lost. We feel anger, guilt, and sorrow. Remember that these are just feelings. Learn from the past to change our future.
- Talk to Someone – Talking to another human being is very healing. It could be a therapist, a good friend, your parents or other family members that know you well. There is a reason why talk therapists are on every other corner. We can communicate our grief to find alternative ways to cope with our hurt and fear. We are given voices and thoughts to experience with others and learn from each other. Alcoholics Anonymous is a community of support where people talk about their struggles and help each other through difficult times.
- Journal – I love the saying “from the head to the heart, to the pen”. Writing down feelings can put things into perspective. Your thoughts and heartache flow out onto a piece of paper when you write with a pen. When I was younger my parents gave me a diary. I wrote in it about a breakup with my boyfriend and how wounded I was from it. When I found the diary years later, I realized that it was just a moment and I was a teenager that learned from my experience.
- Get Moving – Our brains need some basic chemicals: Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin, and Endorphins (DOSE). Endorphins can mask pain and discomfort. It helps you power through the bad (think about a runner’s high). But, if you are not a runner, just laugh! It produces endorphins as well. Doing something simple like taking a walk for 20 minutes each day, not only gets you out of the house, it provides vitamin D which can help with being happy. You also may benefit from interaction with other people.
An idea about the loss
In high school, I was on the basketball team. A teammate died along with her father right after the season ended. The team and many other friends from the school attended the funeral. I cried so much that my teammates asked what was wrong with me. I cried a lot more than they did during the service. Later that evening, I had a conversation with my mother. I asked her why I was so emotional when others were not. I always remembered her words. It is not the loss of the individual, but the possibilities of their future that is being mourned.
Lessons
Start with one thing that will make you feel better. Make that one thing a habit that will build upon itself. Making new habits will aid in helping your heartache. Heartache is real and so is healing from the heartache. Self-care is not about taking a bath or getting a massage (but they help). Self-care is about taking the time to understand you and to heal from the experiences. The experiences are lessons that are put in our path to make us stronger individuals, families, and villages.
